Rippers Match Report – Week 3

What can we say about the Bats? Not very much really as we don’t know them very well having never played them before so we focused on analysing what we did know about the team. Ross Birch once gave us some pitching coaching when we were a newly formed team (he was playing Div 1 at the time) and we also know Shawn Koala and Di Charlton (or as their celebrity couple name – Shart) so we focused on them. Our plan to sabotage their game worked to an extent as we told Shawn that if he fluffed his hits then Di would call the wedding off so pretty much he hit nothing for most of the game but little did we know that he actually wants to get married (fool) and therefore he banjoed one in the 6th to cement his foolish love for his betrothed. Di was really going for the kill with her swings and grunting heavily which made our own Eddie quite faint and flustered and he had to sit down with a damp flannel.

1st Innings

our first two big hitters stepped up and immediately went out, it was like Paull Nuttals start to the election campaign. Ed Woodcock and Beccy followed with ground balls but at least we advanced some bases. Nathan steps up on a rare night off from his career as a trumpeter and hits another ground ball and with Jay taking a walk we were off the mark. Unfortunately the ever faithful Zac hit a grounder to third base and the fielders choice saw poor Beccy heading for her glove. The bats came back immediately and topped our one mighty run with a massive 6.

2nd Innings

The second innings was very much like Peter Andre’s neck – non existent and to be honest I don’t want to dwell on it too much. Jolly hits a ball to 2b and gets out with a catch (but remains Jolly), Simon (our young new recruit) bangs one to right field but unfortunately only gets to first and then Ellie and Jon take outs in quick succession. Up and down faster than Daniella Westbrook’s career. The bats capitalised on this and hit another 3 making it 9-1 at the bottom of the 2nd.

3rd Innings

We smelt mercy therefore after threatening the Ripper players with mild violence they came out fighting. Laura, Duffy and Sophie started well with Sophie getting greedy and going for home against the direct advice of her base coach (who to be fair was Dave Warren and pretty drunk). With Beccy getting picked off and Zac popping it to the right fielder, we finished with a more respectable 4. Bats meanwhile scored 6 more so we were left bereft with the Bats clearly leading 15-4.

4th Innings

Okay – we reset and we knew this was our innings but we were wrong; oh so wrong and we went three up, three down with a ground out to pitcher, a line drive to the shortstops glove and a ground ball to the same shortstop who was having the innings of his life. So nothing for us and the bats got another 4; not quite enough to mercy but getting there. 19-4.

5th Innings

There was no panic yet in the Ripper camp (apart from our spectator Dave Warren who was down to his last can) but we knew we were on the brink of being mercied and so we came out fighting again. Good hits from Jon, Sophie and Ed brought a couple more in but with yet more ground balls to the pitcher, we quickly went out. Bats scored 2 meaning we ended 21-7.

6th Innings

We were holding on like Donald Trump though and with a cracker from Jay, we got another two home but the greatest comeback that softball has EVER seen will have to wait, it wasn’t going to be our week. With the score being 21-9, Bats needed only 3 to win and they duly did. Well done Bats.

We live to fight another week – we apologise for the music, we have fired Sophie as the Rippers resident DJ as she has the musical tastes of a stone deaf 38 year old child from Miami.

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